Creative Solutions to the Common Problems Bookworms Face

Hey Mr-I-Don’t-Read, being a hard-core bookworm is tough, okay? You need stamina, strength, and endurance. It takes skill, let me tell you. Even though we’ve mastered the art of safely lounging on a window seat, book in one hand and half-eaten-half-forgotten cookie in the other hand, do not be fooled.

Being a bookworm is hard both mentally and physically.

For instance…

Keeping your hands warm while reading during winter

This is probably the number one challenge bookworms face across the globe, especially without a fireplace – jealous. Trying to hold onto that whopping 700+ page fantasy, which requires both hands, I might add, in winter isn’t an easy feat. Alas, we endure it for the love of reading.

What if you didn’t have to? I’ve seen a commercial for something called a “Snugget” I think it was called, on TV once. It’s like this curious dressing-gown-meets-blanket which you put on backward.

For optimum results, follow these steps:

• Step 1: Don the gown/blanket
• Step 2: Support the book on your lap
• Step 3: Fold the sleeves over your hands
• Step 4: Sacrifice one finger to turn to the next page

Alternatively, you can just put your dressing gown on backward or dive under your quilt with a flashlight and only come up for air unless absolutely necessary. Ultimately I would advise that you keep the epic fantasies for summer and stick to 300 hundred pages.

Getting the munchies while reading

Bringing food near a book is a crime punishable by execution. However, if you’ve entered a reading marathon and you’ve reached the wee hours of 2 am, trust me, you get hungry. People who sleep don’t know the kind of starvation they miss out on when the big ol’ AM strikes.

But what to eat, what to eat? You need something that won’t make your fingers sticky or dirty, something you can manage with one hand, something, yes something, you can mindlessly munch on without paying attention and gaining 3 pounds at the same time.

Here are a few suggestions:

Popcorn – Good for the heart, apparently. Just steer clear of butter.

M&Ms – If you don’t make the mistake of keeping them in your lap like I have countless times, these little chocolaty bites are the perfect snack. The delicate sugar coating makes it easy to eat without melting.

Jam or ham or jam and ham sandwiches – If you can tear yourself away from your book to make it, a nice jam sandwich, cut into four triangles or squares, is an easy enough snack to handle while reading. You can also opt for a Nutella spread or eat it straight out of the jar, because why not?

The moment when a crumb attracts an ant

I have a heart the size of a peanut. So, when a stray ant wanders onto my book, I can’t help but spend forty-five minutes trying to guide the little creature back to safety. The alternative, cruelly squashing him between the pages of my book, bears not thinking about.

Solution? Avoid crumbs at all times. Should an ant wander onto your book, curious to see what you’re reading, gently guide the ant onto your finger and keep him as a pet.

Spoilers

Hopefully, you haven’t been dumb enough to start reading the Game of Thrones series while it’s airing on television because I have and I hate myself every day for it. I’ve since then given up on avoiding spoilers and pretty much know who dies when long before I’ve even thought of opening the next book. Not because I watch the series on TV, no no, but because of a little evil called Facebook.

If you’re busy reading a series, never make the mistake of liking a fan page because YOU WILL GET SPOILERS AND DIE INSIDE.

Basically, if you attract spoilers in the weirdest means possible like me (I once caught a spoiler on a reality show of people who happened to be watching Game of Thrones at the time), avoid all human and electronic contact until you’ve finished reading the entire series.

Mourning the death of a character

Sadly, this is something each and every bookworm goes through. Take Harry Potter, for instance, you will have had the opportunity to mourn more than 6 deaths if I’m not mistaken. There’s no coming back from that.

Characters come and go and writers are just cruel. I guess the best way to mourn the character is to grab a tissue and continue reading through the tears as the pages of your book slowly start to curl because that’s what the character would’ve wanted.

Book hangovers – Bookovers

Yes, we do get hangovers. We might not be drinking at all hours of the night but a book hangover is nothing to toy with. That moment when you emerge from your bedroom after an all-night reading session, eyes red, your brain feeling like you have a squirrel trapped inside a padded cell up there, fingers tingling and smelling of old books. It’s called binge reading, folks, look it up.

If you find yourself in this situation you have one of two options: Call in sick and go to bed or grab a coffee and continue on to the next chapter. Like the bookaholics say, the best cure for a book hangover is more reading.

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What problems do you face as a bookworm? Do you have some solutions to add to this list?